i don't know where should i start from or what should i say, i just so deeply wanna say i'm sorry when i saw that last msg, despite all the shoutings over the phone.

i don't know what happened, how it all became like this. i was so caught up with school, my classmates and you're working. plus all events are so packed inbtwn i feel like i need a breather. the last thing i want is to be asked to be a 'sweet-er' girlfriend.

i am who i am. for what happen all these times, don't need to tell me my phonecalls sound monotonous, even i can feel it too. you were right, i was calling for the sake of doing so, just because i felt the need to just because i'm your gf. it's difficult, just difficult to think of so many things at the same time, but i didn't want it to affect our relationship. maybe it's just me, when i'm studying i can't incorporate much other stuffs. like i just can't multi-task learning the buyers' decision process while thinking how should i send a sweet message to my bf. so i thought the best thing was still to call every night, maybe it was still something to tide me over this period. least did i know you'd feel it too.

and as time pass from too much into the notes and other ongoing stuffs like chinese web radio classes, planning of after-exam activities(courses and activities to spend my 1 mth of hols), it just suddenly feel like you're someone i call every night to report my daily happenings. plus, it doesn't help when you react back a negative way, just because its how you feel and its subconscious and you can't help it. so it all goes down down down.

don't you think i feel bad deep down inside too, when i see all my friends saying how nice their relationship is. its when i feel like there's smth missing in mine. like how ryan misses her bf just 3wks into bmt, and she talks, blogs and tweet about it almost always.

i needa get over this phrase, i needa find back the feeling.